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It's been a long time since my last post. It's been a tough week. My PC blocked lots of times and I had to reinstall the OS. Finally I have Windows XP, but it took me a week to fix everything. :(

So now I can happily say it's time to go back to my daily work: about Life, The Universe and Everything.

Depeche Mode in Bulgaria! And no ticket for me :(

It's one of those reflection periods when no matter what my daily activities are, I keep on thinking about Life, The Universe and Everything. And one of those moments was the last evening's concert of Depeche Mode in Sofia!!! After a long time of negotiations and deep search, I eventually found myself without a ticket in front of the "Lokomotiv" stadium, where the band made the huge show.

Sitting on a sidewalk on the road behind the stage, I was listening to the great performers and thinking...wow, how lucky I was after all to be at that very place, in that very moment. To feel the real show, the voice of David Gahan elevating your mind... It was a like being on a higher state of consciousness... listening to songs like "Walking in My Shoes", "Stripped", "Suffer Well", "Nothing's Impossible"... And yet it was so sad for me staying out of the stadium without a ticket...:(

So next time I'll be more organized and wait outside in cold and heat and I will buy the ticket! :)

Which is our direction?

Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be on the other side of the road. What if I were born in another country, or society, with another religion, other language, history and traditions?

Is is true that I've been overexposed to a huge group of people with similar interests and values but from different countries, cultures, language, religion? And I haven't had the time to realize that the rest of the world is different in a way? The most imortant - that if I want to follow the latter values, I have to know better the rest of the world.

I keep on discovering new things different to these I'm used to and they challenge me a lot. Is this the way forward?

The reality is scary. People around the world torture each other to death, kill innocent for economic dominance, fight against each other in public and mostly in secret. Tension is about to be growning in my own country, I can feel it. Not necessarily in the way described above, difference between certain parts of the society is growing. Is this the world we're living in? Is this the country I'm living in?

Ignirance is bliss, some might say. In short term - yes. But in long term? How long will we remain like that? And how long the society I'm living in will become a real, united one? No international organizations can help us if we don't help ourselves. No restrictions or recommendations can make us really make a difference if we don't feel its necessity by ourselves and commit to it. All of us. If not - well, sometimes I think that in not such long future the once great country with rich history and contribution to the world cultural heritage may no longer exist. Or at least we as a nation will no longer exist.

We're going straightly in that direction. But the supernatural power above us which some people call destiny, others - God, and third don't even believe in - sometimes makes big jokes of us and shows us another direction. People can change their destiny and, at the same time, this is a change in their destiny. We'll see.

The days back home

I didn't post these photos when I got back in Sofia, but now I'm doing this.
I was at home for a few days while studying for the exams..it's good to be back home, even though for studying! :) The two cats hadn't missed me a lot as I understood when I got back :-D They're two funny small creatures. Lisa is the small black devil and the angel is the tomcat. Really, they're just like that. Lisanka is the evil one, and the poor white creature is so good that sometimes get beaten by Lisa :)))

Aaand this is one of the windows of the house..isn't it beautiful??? The sky at sunset reflecting in the window, and the two pots. It's so cute :)

It's good to be back home! :)

Trying hard to get inspired

Today:
- is the second day of the FIFA World Cup 2006 in Germany;
- I'm thinking about my internship in Mobiltel which starts from Monday, 12.06;
- I've bought huuuge amounts of food and drinks;
- is the day before my last exam at the uhniversity for this session;
- I'm not in the mood to study banking which is strange as it used to be my favourite subject at school. Apparently not anymore;
- I'm checking my e-mails, blog, Treck Earth photos every 10 minutes;
- I've already halvened the food and drinks I've bought and I'm planning to finish the second half till tomorrow morning;
- I'm totally disorganized and I lack inspiration for doing anything else nut watching the football games while finishing with the food and drinks (more info about the latter - see above);
- I'm finally ready to go and continue as the last football match for today is starting and I love to study while listening/watching what's going on;
- hopefully will be an exception for lack of inspiration.

~~~

Tanya's birthday

We celebrated Tanya's birthday yesterday, 5th June. We went to "Romance" in Simeonovo district in the afternoon. Hmm, very delicious cakes, although too sweet. I almost managed to eat mine..well, as you might know, I always leave food in my plate :-D

Then we walked through the mountain for an hour using the road. It was so beautiful there! And I managed to take photos with my newly-repaired camera. I got pretty scared when it shut down again as before, but it turned out that the batteries were low... :) I collected resin from the pine trees. It's a tradition for me to collect wherever I go. And I use it for incense. :) It's awesome!!! (Well, sometimes your hands get sticky...)

I took a photo of Sofia as it is seen from Simeonovo. Wow, quite a lot of concrete :) From the distance the city looks so small, and in fact I couln't believe from this point it can be seen only the airport and a part of Mladost district! So pity we didn't see a plane landing or taking off :) It would have been pictured immediately :-D


In the evening we (a small bunch of friends) went to the bar "The Appartment". It's a very extraordinary place - it's a...flat :-D Converted to a bar :))) You can sit in a couch and drink a cup of tea for example! And there's a PC with music list in your room and you can play the music you like, or play some games, etc. :) The owner is passing by every minute, and as far as I understood, he's a pretty "freaky" guy :) The whole lace is rather surrealistic, and some contribution to that makes the owner's dog - a small spaniel which is either following its owner or passing by alone. It reminded me of the scene in "The Matrix" when a black cat is passing and it's a deja vu. So the scene with the dog passing by every 5 minutes was rather the same :) I couldn't take picture of it because the owner (actually the dog is also owner of the bar - it's written on something like a certificate in the kitchen!) heard us and shown his head and said the dog doesn't like technics. And took it away :)
You can see the perspective I would have pictured the dog from. And you can imagine it passing by each 5 minutes..:-D Almost like deja vu :)

So that's how we spent the day!

Milk, rose incense sticks & Bob Marley

It was a looong day, exam in the afternoon, heat, hunger.. I'm happy it's all over. :-D

The three of us - me, Maria & Milen had a nice afternoon walk in Borisovata gradina. :) The sun was shining, people were walking and I saw another, nicer side of this park which I haven't had the chance to see before. It was much more lively and bright than usual there. So pity I still don't have my camera back, I had it repaired but I have to pay for it in order to have it back - 48 leva.. :'( After the next exam for sure there'll be a second walk :-D and then - photooooos!
And now my feet hurt from the walk :) And I'm relaxing with cold milk, incense sticks (my favourite!!!) while listening to Bob Marley. His songs are awsome! :)
So that's how life is going on these times. It was a good day. :)

Contemplation

People tend to expect other people's thoughts and actions to be the same as theirs. Should that be the right thing to do?

People believe they know others very well and they can tell what others are thinking and why they are thinking in that way. Can people read other people's minds in order to tell exaclty what others are thinking? If not, then?

The borderline?!.

It's 31st May, 11:57 p.m. in the evening when I start this posting. It's so quiet in MSN Messenger. Only noise (nice one) from my headphones. I'm listening to Depeche Mode - "It's Only When I Lose Myself" (...it's only when I lose myself I find myself...:)).

It's been a long way to here - the point I'm at right now. This is the borderline..wow, it's 12:00 p.m. sharp! It's really the borderline between my..already previous term as LC Sofia VPF and my term as MC VPF in AIESEC Bulgaria...

It's so strange feeling. I haven't thought much about this very moment. Some minutes ago I realized - I'm going out of my cosy place as member of the LC in my university, I'm no longer active member of LC Sofia UNWE. I go back in time when I shared amazing moments with members now and then - the time I joined the organization in the distant year 2003. And now these moments will no longer happen. Now I'll be part of something different and yet AIESEC again.

Three years ago when I joined AIESEC I've never imagined that one day I'll be one of the MC team. Like these people I first saw at the December National Conference in 2003 who I didn't even speak to...I thought they were so unreachable that I would never be able to talk to them. Now I know how wrong I was :) (Please, approach me any time :))

It's so amazing how much you learn about yourself and others during the term as EB. It's intensive time you can never repeat, whoever gets the opportunity for being EB, is lucky. In the end, when you reflect on what you've done throughout this year, you realize it's not just experience to add in your AIESEC background. It's a learning experience, a real one. And it depends on you whether you'll make use of it or just forget about it and go for the next oppportunity ahead, no matter in AIESEC or not.

But there's zero effect if you don't make the most of your team experience. I owe so much to Leni, Deni, Eli, Lile & Petya. Thank you!!! :)

---

I've passed the borderline. It's already 00:41 a.m. My mind is on it's way to it as well. So many things to think over and so short of time.

Another part of my mind has been already across for a long time. I never stop thinking of what's coming. What has actually come. The new term. It's a huge personal challenge for me. I've pushing my limits for a long time, and now it will be even more intensive. But, just like the new tool of AIESEC for achieving AIESEC 2010 - the BSC, I've got the "tool", I know the path better and the steps I should take.

This one is getting to personal I guess. Nevertheless I feel the need to share it. Since now I haven't shared to many people what's AIESEC for me. I've never seen so clearly the connection between who I am and what my goals are with the Identity of AIESEC. For the time since my election for MCVP it's been getting more and more clear.

All my life I've always wanted to be different from the mass. And I've always been doing it - sometimes with positive results, sometimes - with negative. Once I was one of those teenagers "fighting against the system" (well, not literally, no violence applied). I've never been happy with the society I'm living in and everytime I was seeing something not appropriate, I was too shy to say a word and change something. And after that a bitter feeling remained - that I could have done something but I hadn't and I'd never have the opportunity to correct my mistake. I was a person complaining of the system and this was my way fighting it.

NOT anymore. What changed me? What made me discover my real potential? Simply AIESEC. Some people outside AIESEC (and maybe inside, unfortunately) think that all the things we're talking about in AIESEC are useless, that it's like building sand castles in the sky, that one is too "small" to make a positive change in society. That even 100 people are not enough to make the needed impact. I like this commercial saying "Impossible is nothing". You can change something. There are so many disappointed people in Bulgaria. They think nothing can ever be changed in our society and choose to go with the flow. There are other people who go out of the deep waters.

AIESEC gives you wings, but you have to know how to use them. Only then you'll learn how to fly. If you don't see the whole point, then you won't make a change, you'll learn by heart e.g. the AIESEC values and principles without actually following them. And whn you leave AIESEC, you'll remain the same - you'll know that some things are "bad" ad others - "good", but if you don;t identify yourself with those principles, you'll be one of the so-called people without any principles. You'll be a fullright member of the local society AIESEC is aiming to change through, originally, people like you.

I really like a part of the lyrics of a song played by Faithless: "...how could I change the world if I can't even change myself?" That's the initial question. As I go back in time through my life I discovered I'm one of those few people (yet) who want to live in a better society and thus have better lives. AIESEC has been enabling me to see the change I want to make in myself in order to make this positiva impact I want to make. And that perfectly correlates with the role of AIESEC. :)

That's why I'm in AIESEC. And the toughest journey has already began. It's a really amazing experience. And you, dear reader, if you've endured and reached this part of the posting (almost the end;) ), I wish to you to have this opportunity as I have to see the difference. :) And understand it. And then enable other people see it. That's how it works.

Discover. Feel. Inspire.

:)